May 31, 2021

I thought after such a long time that I would update the progress in our search for Ryan. I will start with an analogy that one of our RCMP liaisons gifted to us (of course I hope he will forgive my tendencies to expand on it but I liked his wording that I adopted it...

May 30, 2021

Our life is not a movie. There isn’t 10 minutes left before it’s ending and you just know that resolution has to be right around the corner. There is no musical tempo that reaches its crescendo alerting you to the knowledge that the director’s vision has come to a...

May 28, 2021

After 3 years, one of the most painful truths is how I’ve learned to manage my expectations. The last time we had an official organized search was May 2018. I thought the snow had melted and with so many volunteers, Ryan surely would be found. For two days, I prayed...

May 18, 2021

There is the one cataclysmic event that has forever changed our life. Not of our own creation and despite the loss we feel, we reject pity for pity’s sake. We love so deeply that surely our grief is warranted but the true event happened to Ryan. However, it is the...

May 15, 2021

New hair .. who dis? So I’m am admittedly older than I was last year. Let’s not dwell on that. But part of the process is gradually letting my hair come to its new natural state. My unpigmented hair has decided to grace me and come in kinda white blonde. I’m not mad!...

May 11, 2021

I love this. We are all of mix of imperfections which makes us uniquely perfect. Never forget your value or all the wild parts that you consist of. That is the true tragedy; to allow yourself to lose what is yours to possess either through your own inaction or by the...

May 6, 2021

The world seems so divided right now, full of strife and loss. But I remember the days that felt like the worst to us and yet amongst them were moments of love and kindness. The world can survive many things but without a sense of humanity, there will be nothing left...

May 2, 2021

Another season changes and I’m not where I long to be doing what a mother should be doing. It a curious predicament to understand logic and still be laid bare by emotion. I know why we can’t be there. It’s the human decision but it still doesn’t ease my feelings of...

Apr 9, 2021

Grief is all encompassing. You find yourself moving forward, the days seemingly the same. The knot around your heart tied so tight that you barely notice the discomfort.And then randomly, driving along, a song comes on... you find yourself sobbing in your car. LANY -...

Apr 2, 2021

Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes, messages and texts. Milestone birthdays especially when you are an adult are hard to plan in a world wide pandemic but my girls did such an amazing job. There were pedicures, a massage and a day full of surprises. I had such...