Today is April 18th.
I watched Ryan’s roommates pack up their cars. Performing great feats of logistics to arrange snowboards, snow gear and clothing. It is like watching a giant jigsaw puzzle, everyone trying to get everything to fit.
In a perfect world, that would have been Ryan.
My son would have been coming home today. Four and a half months spent away from home. The longest he has ever been away.
I remember so vividly the day he told me he wanted to go to a ski hill for the winter season. It was clear that he was looking for a change. To be honest, I was surprised.
You see my son has always been most cautious. Never treading beyond what he was comfortable with. Introspective and mindful.
And I loved him for it. He was true to himself even if he didn’t always know it or even appreciate it.
And that’s okay, after all that is what my role as a mother is for. I will be your biggest champion and your fiercest supporter. Always. Forever.
If not me, then who?
When he was offered a position here in Sun Peaks, it was like watching him on Christmas morning. Barely contained excitement radiated from him.
I was so proud.
He did everything I didn’t. He followed a whim and made it happen. As parents, we pray fiercely that our children become more then we ever could have been. To reach for the stars no matter how far away they seem. Ryan did that even if for a brief time.
He never knew my fears or how much I might miss him.
And he was happy. That is what I will remember most, in the days I am overcome with grief. My son was happy with his life here.
Tonight, if life was perfect, he would have made the long trek home.
I would have been full of anticipation, wanting to hear all about his life here. Did you meet anyone? Did you have fun? Would you do it again? Tell me all about it.
My perfect imperfect son would have looked at me nonchalantly and replied “Ya.. it was good”. K I’m heading to Gage’s”.
And then slept in for the rest of the week.
@ Sun Peaks Resort