The trouble with looking forward to something… when it comes and goes, you find yourself at a crossroads.

“Every broken heart has one time or another asked, “What is important to me now?” ~ Shannon L. Alder

For the past year, besides being consumed with searching, raising awareness and dealing with incalculable loss, I have concentrated on the documentary: Peaks and Valleys.

I wasn’t so naive as to think the culmination of such a large undertaking would necessarily provide answers or even closure. But I was hopeful. At least in a way that kept Ryan in the forefront of the public’s mind.

It kept me busy. It kept me preoccupied. It kept me focused.

It kept me sane.

This documentary did everything it was suppose to do.

But where do I go from here?

Scott, in his infinite wisdom suggested I carry on with this custom we created last year. While away, we brought charms with Ryan’s name and left them on our travels. In this way, he would always be with us and we could leave a piece of him with the hope that his legacy of love would continue.

This year, on my birthday, we dropped a charm in one of his favorite places to visit; Florida. I confess this one felt different, more sad, if that is possible. As the charm sank in the lagoon, tears rolled down my cheeks. He will never pass this way again.

But he will not be forgotten. Along with the tears, came vivid memories of vacations past. The laughter, the adventures and precious family time along with the promise of a bright future.

So that is my new beginning. We will try to visit the places that held such beautiful memories of a beautiful boy and leave a piece of him behind.

“Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end.”
~ Madame de Stael