Last night I dreamed of rainbows.

With that came a memory of a night long ago.

The rain is gently falling, streaking down my bedroom window. Cooling the warm summer air that blows against the curtains. Respite after a day of heat and one cranky kid. Resting my head against the pane, i look out and see the most perfect rainbow. The colours vibrant and clear. So close , that I almost believe I could stretch my fingers and touch their silky waves. I stood there. Marvelling in this perfect moment.

I tip toed into Ryan’s room. Sprawled on his bed, lies my sleeping three year old boy. His tiny face flushed from the day, his breathing soft and steady, he looked so peaceful. “Ry? Baby.” I whisper. His eyes fluttered gently as he focused on my face. My son’s face lights up and this beautiful smile graces me. “Hi mommy” “Do you want to see the most perfect rainbow? I asked my dozing boy.

Ryan answers by stretching his arms up to my neck. I scoop him and draw him close. As we stood looking at Nature’s masterpiece, I saw the wonder in my son’ eyes. “ Wow” he whispered, “it’s awesome. He settled in my arms and soon was fast asleep. As I tucked Ryan back into his bed, eyes still closed, he sighs heavily. “Thanks mommy”.

I swear I could almost touch him. In the grey light of this morning, I could see his face peaceful with sleep. The tiny breathes of life filling his chest as he lay. The smell of his little boy scent filled my nose. The rightness of the world in perfect harmony.

It is dawn. The day is like ash in my mouth. I smell the heaviness of smoke. I feel the weight of sadness that permeates my soul.

Six months into a journey that seems endless.

The rainbows I see now are filled with chaos and rain.

And yet once, I was shown the brilliance of what the world can create.