Heather’s Blog

Mar 4, 2018

It is day 16 since Ryan was last seen. Some of you have been here from the beginning and some will join day by day. I am surprised each and every day by the threads posted and the willingness people have to want to help.

I write each day for two reasons:

1) I want Ryan to be real to you. He is more then the sum of the events that have lead us to where we are now. He is loved and has value.

2) I need you to believe.

I recognize that as the days pass, it is natural and it is even practical for people to wonder “ why can’t you find him? Maybe he isn’t there”

I am a mother, fierce and strong as they come. I will fight and claw and protect.

Do you think I want the end result to be Ryan out in the elements waiting to be found? You have to know that if that is the case, then there is very little hope.

Do you realize how torturous it is each night to watch the faces of the searchers come back and have had found nothing? Or knowing that another night is passing and your baby is out there?

And yet every night is the same like a nightmarish Groundhog Day.

And today I will do it again.

Because I believe Ryan is here in this community.

The terrain is treacherous and steep. The snow is deep. There are massive snowbanks and ravines. There are treewells and snow drifts. We have touched every inch but without the necessary skills or training, how effective can we be?

Scott gets up every morning early, puts on his snow gear and heads out to dig and walk and now excavate. He is so hard on himself because he is the father, how could he not find him? He takes few breaks.

But he believes Ryan is here.

We are realists. We have talked and discussed and hoped and prayed.

We want different results.

But we believe Ryan is here.

I need you to believe it as well. Because your belief and the determination of our friends and volunteers will help us find Ryan.