How is it possible to have 5 days pass with no sign of Ryan?


Not because of a lack of effort and determination from all these precious volunteers. Not because of the prayers and love from all of you. And not because I don’t wish for it desperately each second of every moment.


And yet… that is our reality.


Today, volunteers combed snowbanks with snowshoes and poles. They went deep in ravines and up and down roads. They came back dejected and cold and bless them, they will come back tomorrow to do it all again. And the day after and the day after that.


How is it even possible to get through each day when you are sure that a piece of your being shatters as night draws near.


So I try to remember moments spent together. When we were happy.

And I can breathe again.