I am strong
I am love
I am loving
I am loved
I feel blessed
I am grateful
I am light
I am sunshine
I yearn to be kind
I strive to be wise
I want to be fair
I am enough.

These words have become a daily mantra to remind me of who I am and a continuation of who I wish to become.

Here in the safe harbour of my parents home, the sunshine chases my feelings of inability and guilt away. Here grief casts faint shadows.

For the last month, I have focused on running each day, reading novel after novel and being lovingly cared for.

But all good things must come to an end and I must make plans to return home. With them come the dreaded feeling of anxiety. The heaviness that spears my heart and makes each motion strenuous.

I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my son.

But I wish I didn’t have to leave.