Can I let you in on a little secret?

In our house, I am like The Godfather. The kids know my favor is like the golden ticket to a good and peaceful life. My displeasure on the other hand….well. Nothing as drastic as a horse head but I will admit I have a flair for the dramatic.

Ryan has decided that, with this journey, he is going to teach me to be kinder and gentler.

I guess I can be quite stubborn when I want to be. Scott might argue that I must want to be all the time. Not true. Okay well maybe a little true. Fine mostly.

I would always describe myself as “bossy” but that hardly seems flattering. I have adjusted my descriptives as the years have passed; aggressive, proactive until finally settling on dynamic.

I have a dynamic personality. It is much more fluid. Adaptable with my mood.

Nancy looks for my cues before warning people, “ Ooh, here comes the work voice.” Apparently, my head tilts as my finger comes up pointed. My voice lowers and I appear to enunciate my words ever so carefully. That is for an inconvenience or mild irritation.

My kids have always known full anger is volcanic. There is sputtering and I would hazard a guess that my hair is aglow in angry flames. It was one of the reasons why, at 20, I could stop Ryan in his tracks. The 360 degree head spin has that affect.

It doesn’t quite feel like me anymore. I am still the same, but it is like layers have burnt away leaving me starting from a different place.

Things that normally would upset or displease me seem so inconsequential. I want different results with my interactions. I yearn to see all points of view so my decisions are more reflective then reactive. It is just a beginning, nothing perfected only a sense of wanting to grow. To teach my girls to be more then me. I am finding my old ways antiquated. It is an unraveling of everything I have conditioned myself to be. Is it possible?


Ironic that my 21 year old has taught me such a valuable human lesson. I always thought it would be the other way around. Well …except with Scott. That poor man couldn’t possible deal with such a drastic change in this dynamo.

Baby steps.

After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day.