Today feels so permanent.

Grief stains my soul as I look at Sun Peaks in my rear view mirror. I won’t see it’s vista again until the end of July.

I feel like I failed.

On my good days, I am practical and logical. I can see everything we have done, the areas searched, the volunteers that have helped us, and the support we have amassed. I feel strength from my loved ones.

Most days are good. Good enough anyways.

On my bad days, I feel as fragile as tissue paper, worn and creased. I’m afraid to move lest I tear holes where once a whole heart beat. Ragged and gaping.

Today is such a day. No words comfort. No solace can be given. It is not within anyone’s power to alleviate my sorrow. I don’t want it.

The Welcome to Alberta sign beckons us.

Tears stream down my cheeks as I whisper over and over, “ I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry …..”

Echoing silence is my only reply.