The problem with memories is that they are often one sided. I remember the details that I believe are important.. you remember the details you think are important. If we are lucky, in the remembering we can paint a whole picture.

I am now left with only my memories. I hold them tight because right now they are the only things that will not change.

But what about the memories that are made without him?

Who were you , my son, when you weren’t with me? Would I find you kind, funny or a bit of a jerk? Did you make someone’s heart melt or make them smile when they needed joy the most?

I find myself scouring for any memory or picture that shares more of Ryan with me. I am selfish and greedy. I am like an archeologist whose life’s work is to uncover the mysteries of my first born.

You will never know the value of the memories you share about him.

For in those memories, it is still possible to know my son.

@ Sun Peaks Resort