March 7, 2018 – I remember this day so vividly. We desperately wanted the dogs (long awaited to arrive) to find Ryan. And they didn’t. Besides the first few frantic days, this day broke me. I lay in my bed in my rented house looking out the window at the snow falling yet again and all I could do was cry. My heart broke further. All the “what if’s” came crashing in. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get up and face the world… without my son. I hated the thought then and I hate the thought now.