There is the one cataclysmic event that has forever changed our life. Not of our own creation and despite the loss we feel, we reject pity for pity’s sake. We love so deeply that surely our grief is warranted but the true event happened to Ryan.
However, it is the waves of trauma in the aftermath the I struggle with.
It is the trauma of fighting with insurance providers that denied claims for “not being stressed enough”; it is the judgment and comments of strangers that feel the need to weigh in on us personally; it is a former colleague that posted cruel taunts on public pages and it is the man who did not know Ryan but used our tragedy to leverage personal gain for himself that has me reeling. Some acts are beyond redemption.
In the past I have always absorbed; a sponge that captured and contained the miserableness and despicable acts of others. But that only amplifies and gives passage to pain that was not mine to own nor to receive.
Loss is incalculable but we have all experienced it in some form. In the wake of loss, pain and regret, there are tendrils of trauma that wrap around us tying us to our grief. It is to ground us. To allow us the ability to sift through our emotions and experiences for what is ours to own.
If we are lucky, we will always find safe harbours where our traumas take us. Welcoming arms to help cushion our grief so that when the time comes we can return to our own shores intact and in peace.

“Healing is never complete until we have been truly heard. May the universe send you someone who will sincerely care to listen.”~Anthon St. Maarten