You’ll be on your way up! You’ll be seeing great sights! You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights. You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.

Wherever you go, you will top all the rest. Except when you don’t. Because, sometimes, you won’t.

– Dr Suess

Journeys are unexpected, unplanned and uncharted. They never seem to take you where you think you want to go. Sometimes it will be everything you ever wanted and you will be happy. And sometimes it will take you down a path seldom travelled.

It will be for you decide how you approach the curves.

No one will ever question the tragedy that has unfolded before us. It is all encompassing and never ending.

We have cried a thousand tears. We will cry a thousand more.

But our journey is not linear.

There is no beginning. There is no ending. We have lost so so much. But we have gained as well.

Ryan seems to be responsible for my unraveling. Deconstructed down to my core and rebuilt. Stronger, braver, open to the love and compassion that seems to come my way.

This week is a time of saying goodbye. Only for a short time, perhaps, but every loss is felt deeply. The angels I have met have saved me. Through their belief and love, I have risen again and again. Not quite high enough to soar. Maybe I will never be that close to freedom again. My grief tethers me to the ground from time to time.

But my journey is not over.

I have places to go. Oh how I wish baby boy, that you were by my side. Where you go… I would follow.