Tomorrow is not forever.

I am leaving Sun Peaks for the first time in 14 weeks to head home.

It is just for a short while.

Jordyn turns 18th on June 6th. I want to celebrate the day with her. She deserves to have her birthday be amongst her friends and her family. She deserves to have our focus and love without this tragedy to be front and center. Just for one day. It is the least I can do for my baby girl. She has been so strong. She has been so brave. She has my heart.

Julianna will leave for her Quebec French Immersion school trip. I want to take her shopping. I want to help her pack. I want to see her off. I want to do all the things, I should be doing, that I long to do. It is difficult to assuage the guilt I feel. Her ability to forgive so readily is a testament to her spirit. She has struggled with the heaviness of our conversations while maintaining her childlike wonder. That, in itself, is a miracle. I am awestruck.

So despite all my fears of abandoning my first born to the shadows that hide him, I am going home.

Scott will follow on Monday and return on Friday. We won’t be in Sun Peaks for 5 days. Interminable, long days.

Will the search continue?

I believe it will. The seeds we planted with Ryan’s name have come to harvest. We leave knowing that our community will continue to search for our son. We are blessed. They will take up the torch. They will help lighten our load. We can leave knowing Ryan won’t be alone. He is surrounded by the love of us as well this community.

Just for a little while.