I thought after such a long time that I would update the progress in our search for Ryan.
I will start with an analogy that one of our RCMP liaisons gifted to us (of course I hope he will forgive my tendencies to expand on it but I liked his wording that I adopted it for you) Ryan’s disappearance is much like a house, decrepit and badly in need of repair. Each room needs to be painted. What Scott and I have been doing for the last 3 years is going to from room to room assessing the damage but never prioritizing. We stop to apply a coat of paint but haphazardly and without focus. This is not criticism but fact. Looking back the house doesn’t not look anymore completed but rather half done. Looking at our techniques, we know our search methods are solid but our approach needs refining. We are so desperate to get it all done that we move from area to area in a hurried attempt. In year 3, with the limited times that travelling allows us to come up here, we must be more thoughtful and methodical. We need to paint each room, inspecting the walls for patches before going over with a second coat. Satisfied, we then can move onto the second room.
I know everyone still wonders why we continue to come back time and time again. Why not move off the hill?
Simply put, I wouldn’t know where to go. We remain focused on the facts available to us. Despite a rigorous and ongoing investigation into all theories and possibilities by the RCMP, those initial facts are unchanged. He was here and now he is gone. Scott and I, as dedicated as we are, do not have now nor will we ever have the skill set to investigate a missing person case. I am thankful that our local law enforcement are engaged and passionate about Ryan and work every angle to bring him home to us. What we can do to facilitate that is to continue using the facts to search. When something more credible comes in, then rest assured we follow that lead to its natural conclusion. (That includes questions of polygraph and interrogations of individuals )
It matters little what personal opinions you or I have regarding Ryan’s disappearance, the goal remains to search until I am dust or dirt because my son matters. That is what I can do. That is what I will do.
We have heard all the opinions and speculations, even if they were difficult and painful to hear. We have never shied away from any possibility but have discussed them in the hopes that we can always remain prepared not panicked. But if the opportunity arises for you to be kind, please do so. The number one comment I hear is “someone knows something”. That sentence in itself isn’t triggering. I understand the intent. It is that sentence that comes as a retort to my question, “perhaps no one knows anything” People tend to stubbornly insist that cannot be true. That may be so but that is not absolute, no matter how many Dateline shows we have all watched. Regardless it is a tactless approach to families grieving. I understand the concept but it tears my soul to have people thoughtlessly utter these words. Is that what you prefer me to think as I wake each morning? That my son was tortured, beaten or murdered? I’m not naive but to function with that mindset is beyond what should be humanly possible.
Discuss and ask questions but be mindful.
This experience is not one that I would have ever imagined would be my life yet here I am. I’m doing the best I can. Loving my daughters and husband with the privilege of time allowed to me. If there was a better way, believe me, we will learn and grow and adapt.
We will not give up or give in.
Because Ryan deserves the chance to come home.
*Edit: I do read all your comments and I love you all. Your support and grace to our family is beyond measure. I always want you to know the depth of our gratitude. *