Today is her first day back to school.

I think we are both a little nervous.

For Julianna, it is not only a new school and new people but almost 7 months since she had a regular school routine.

For me, well it is always the “Pray everything goes okay” fears. Life is so much a struggle right now that I want the impossible: For the new beginnings to be perfect.

I want her to excel. I want her to feel comfortable. I want the sometimes insensitive comments that came late last school year to not be spoken or if that is not the case; at least not heard by her.

I guess I want her to brave.

And really when I say that out loud, I realize that my fears are unfounded.

Julianna is one of the strongest people I know. She will always be brave not because of the tragedy she has faced but in spite of it. The courage to be herself and live life brightly is a lesson she teaches me every day. I know she will be okay.

However, the yelling at the bottom of the stairs “Mom!!!!!!!! Let’s go!!!!”, so eerily reminiscent of Ryan, is something I could live without. Argh, let the school year begin….