This week Scott went back to work.
I don’t know if it was time or if he was ready however sometimes we don’t have a choice.
I know he feels guilty. I know he has hesitation. I wish I could alleviate that stress for Scott. But I’m no better. I don’t have the answers to help him.
“Don’t second guess the mistakes you’ve made, others will do that for you. Make things as simple as possible, but not simpler. “
– Albert Einstein
Humans second guess themselves every day. What we wore, what we said, how we acted; we have tiny spheres of doubt that nag us throughout the day. Thankfully, they tend to be easily dismissed as we move on to the next questionable decision.
You make a decision where the outcome can have long lasting consequences.
Grade 1 : We had just moved to Beaumont from the city. I had researched and convinced Scott to place Ryan in French Immersion. Brand new town, new school and having to meet new friends was already a heavy burden on a 6 yr old. I thought he could handle it. I wanted Ryan to have every opportunity available to him. As we walked into that classroom where the teachers and students were greeting each other in French, I had my first panicked moment. Leaving him sitting in his desk, looking lost was the hardest thing I had ever done. I cried all the way home. I needn’t have worried. It took little time for him to learn the language and even less time to make friends. Life long friends.
His driver’s test: Ryan didn’t start driving until the summer he was 18. No desire, threats or coercions could move him. Finally, he made the choice. He had only been driving 2 weeks and was understandably nervous going for the drivers test. We drove to Devon 2 hours early so he could practice the route. I insisted we stop at the Registry to confirm all the details. Luckily or unluckily, the opportunity was given to take the test before his allotted time. Ryan started to shake his head but my voice was the only thing that carried through. Off he went. I remember watching him looking afraid and nervous. Immediately, I was struck by the same lost look. I sat on my hands the entire time. But he walked through those doors with a paper and pride.
Ironically, I encouraged Ryan to follow his dream to move to Sun Peaks. I never second guessed his decision. I saw the look in his eyes. It gave me such peace.
Guilt makes us second guess everything. Perhaps it is because we have been inherently given a choice. Those choices we make will always put us at odds with another. We are not the same but our capacity to judge our decisions harshly will always remain constant.
It all comes down to cost.
What will our decision bring us and what will it take away? Even indecision has a price.
But what is life without mistakes? How can we move forward if we are not prepared to challenge what we know or how far we can go?
I will never second guess Ryan’s move to the beautiful ski town of Sun Peaks. I only hurt at the cost.
I pray Scott will be as forgiving of himself.