I want the life I had before February 17th, 2018.
I want to wake up unafraid.
I want to have that feeling of security and comfort that comes from knowing your loved ones are safe and protected. Not the endless torment of the unknown.
I want to be forgiven.
I want to know that I have done all that I can and so much more to keep my children grounded and with me. Not agonizing about Ryan and what I have possibly missed.
I want time to stand still.
I want the seasons to stop changing. The nights to never come. The ice and the cold to stay away for ever.
I want people to never forget Ryan. To continue to join and spread awareness. To pray and to search.
I want peace.
I want the power of words.
I want to conquer my fears, overcome my uncertainty and shed my feelings of guilt and sadness.
I want Ryan to come home.
I want to tell him how much I love him. How much I miss him. That nothing is the same without him.
What I want, I cannot possibly have.